I’ve mentioned it before, but I take part in what might be the nerdiest game ever created: fantasy professional wrestling. I say this as a disclaimer. If this isn’t your thing, then you’re probably not going to want to go beyond the break.

So this comes about as a result of a match I’m part of this week. It’s a tag team affair, and of the four handlers who’re involved I’m the only one who never held the world championship from the place we all came from, the National Wrestling Council. To take it a step further, I never even contended for it, nor have I ever held a tier 1 championship in any federation I’ve been part of. This means I’ve put a fair amount of pressure on myself to see if not only could I compete on the level of these guys, but perhaps even go beyond that and eek out a W.

For a while I just sort of resigned myself to the idea that I’m not ever going to be “that guy”, the one who’s all high-profile and whatever. Now, I don’t really know. Maybe? Maybe not? I hate saying “only time will tell”, because it’s (1) a cliched expression that just annoys me, and (2) I’m riotously impatient.

I’m rambling. I do that. You’ll get over it (or you’ll navigate away).

Anyway, yeah, the whole plan behind this entry was to list a series of very over-the-top, self-important goals that I have. So, in no particular order, here we go…

1.) To win a tier 1 championship with my current character. I’ve been writing for this guy for close to ten years now, and he’s special to me in that even when I wasn’t writing about him I was daydreaming about him. He’s due. So am I. There are a LOT of talented people in the circle I run with, so this isn’t going to be a cakewalk, and it shouldn’t be. I’d almost be pissed if it was, for the same reason I wouldn’t really have wanted to hold the NCW:A title before the council “closed” (anyone who was anyone had left by then, and the region awarded a world title shot to a fed jobber).

2.) To be the guy who people want to do stuff with. I have a rule, and it comes from being outside the cool kids circles in the NWC… If anyone — ANYONE — wants to do something with me on a show, in a segment, or whatever, I’ll do it. Doesn’t matter how silly it is (I like silly, I do silly well). Doesn’t matter if it involves putting over someone who wouldn’t ever dream of returning the favor. You call the spot, and I’m in.

I guess given all that it may be a little confusing as to what exactly this goal is about. I mean long-term. I’m talking about “hey, I have this idea that you’d be perfect for, and it’s going to run X months or until we get sick of it.” I want to be that guy.

3.) To make people understand that I can do more than just be funny. I think this one is kind of self-explanatory, and maybe it’s not true, but in my head I feel like I have this stigma of being a complete goof. Like I said, I am a complete goof. I write funny stuff (I hope). It’s kind of what I’m known for, but I don’t want to be pigeonholed.

4.) I want people to be scared of me. I realize how this sounds, and I’m okay with that. I’m not a guy who people think “I have no idea what I’m going to do against him“. If I am, it’d be a fucking shock. (I should note that I do have an ego, I just try to downplay it so it doesn’t get obnoxious.) Even if it’s only for a little while, and then it goes away, I would very much like to know what this feels like.

So that’s the first four. I might think of some others to add at a later date, but those are the big ones that stick out in my mind.

You can all start laughing at me whenever you’re ready.